
samwpmarleau
replied to your post
“Don’t you think POD was a bit abelist for refusing tyrion?”
see, idk, while that may be par for the course in westeros, it’s pretty dang hypocritical. elia wasn’t supposed to survive infancy either, and yet she did. oberyn is the one putting the ableism spin on his mother’s choices, we have nothing from her specifically. imo, she easily could have taken it as an insult for a) ableism towards her own daughter, b) the reneging on the deal she had with joanna, which tywin presumably used to be on board with,
c) the assertion that elia isn’t ~worthy~ of his precious jaime, and d)
because betrothing elia to tyrion would mean at EARLIEST elia couldn’t
have her first kid until she was 29, which is just ridiculous in
westeros’ terms.
It’s true that we haven’t heard from the Princess of Dorne herself but
Oberyn is as close to a reliable witness as we’re going to get until
GRRM deigns to give her a voice. By no means does that mean that
everything he says must be accurate, but the flow of the conversation
between him and Tyrion doesn’t seems to support that this is only
Oberyn’s spin imo. Oberyn alternates between telling his mother’s observations and giving his own conclusions in this conversation but he does frame each as they are. For example, he clearly presents his thoughts about the supposed double betrothals and the cabin on their ships as his own deduction before he shifts into telling information that his mother told him. The part about the match with Tyrion being taken as an outrage not only comes with Oberyn’s assertion that it was, it comes in-between an instance where Oberyn is recounting things his mother told him, and another where he confirms that she did think that she won the tilt. The context that Oberyn gives – that this is a story that merited a mention on the Princess’s deathbed, no less than 6 years after the incident and
(probably) after Elia had married Rhaegar – coupled by his lack of objection to Tyrion’s assumption that the Princess did think of the offer as an outrage makes me inclined to take this as the Princess’s
take too and not just Oberyn’s. After all, if she didn’t take it as an insult, why did she
think that she won the tilt like Oberyn confirms? Yes, it’s absolutely because wedding Elia to Rhaegar was a resounding rebuff to the ableism Tywin showed towards Elia, but that is intrinsically tied to Tyrion and his disability.
Thing is, the ableism against Elia can not be separated from the ableism against Tyrion because it was delivered through Tyrion. The very expression of Tywin’s ableism towards Elia was in offering disabled Tyrion instead of able-bodied Jaime, sending a message that sickly Elia could only be worthy for the disabled kid, not the golden able-bodied one. If Tyrion was not disabled, if there was no ableism leveled at him from both parties, the offer wouldn’t have been an insult in the first place. We can’t claim that the Princess of Dorne was insulted only because the offer of Tyrion displayed ableism towards Elia which had nothing to do with Tyrion himself when said ableism lies in offering Tyrion. If she didn’t think there was something wrong with Tyrion, then what was the insult to Elia? That Tyrion was much younger? That might have made the match a bad fit, disadvantageous and unsuitable for the Princess’ dynastic hopes, but it’s no insult in and of itself. Not “an outrage” as Tyrion put it and Oberyn agreed with him. Simply a part of dynastic negotiation.
Nor can the fact that Tywim refused the match be taken as an insult on its own, unless every other lord took failed marital plans as a personal insult, and unless the Princess of Dorne herself took Tywin’s rejection of Oberyn for Cersei as an insult. Which she didn’t though Tywin’s brusque tone clearly bothered her. Too, it can not be said that Tywin reneged on a previous marital agreement because we got no indication that Tywin even knew about the correspondence between the Princess and Joanna, and Joanna’s own agreement can not be seen as a solid promise of betrothal that Tywin should be held to because marriages are typically arranged and negotiated between heads of Houses so Joanna couldn’t have formally betrothed the twins without Tywin’s approval. As a political actor in her own right, the Princess knew that, which is further supported by how all the information we have indicates that she didn’t approach the matter like it was previously preliminary approved. I’d also think
that the Princess would have mentioned it to Oberyn if this was a case of Tywin going back on his word,
considering that betrothal agreements are a big deal in Westeros.
while ableism is rampant, given elia’s own condition,
the fact that dorne is more lenient with pretty much everything, and
tywin’s betrayal, i think it just as likely she took it as just a plain
insult, irrespective of tyrion’s condition.
I don’t think that Elia’s illness precludes the Princess of Dorne displaying ableist behavior. It is not uncommon for someone to display prejudice against the same minority group that a loved one belongs to. This is a bit like saying that someone isn’t racist because they have PoC in their family. Not only does casual prejudice exist in behavior that isn’t consciously recognized as prejudice, but selectivity in prejudice also exists. It is not uncommon for someone to exclude a loved one from a certain prejudice. We see this all the time in real life and also repeatedly in the text. Various Starks causally dehumanize Tyrion by referring to him by a slur or reducing him to his disability, but they’d never do that to Bran (though casual ableism towards Bran does creep up in several places because they don’t even realize that’s ableism). Tywin is a ramping misogynist who thinks women are inherently inferior and has wild issues with powerful women but Joanna was still his confidante who he left in charge when he was absent.
Rhaenyra Targaryen displayed the usual prejudice and scapegoating of
bastards when she ordered the arrest of Addam Velaryon based on nothing but his bastardy, even though
her fiercely protected elder three sons were all bastards. Lysa Tully is grossly ableist towards Tyrion, even though her own beloved child is also a victim of Westerosi ableism.
Oberyn himself showed ableist behavior towards Tyrion in a way I highly doubt he showed with either of his beloved siblings.
(I also think there is a conversation to be had about the kind of disability in question because that does affect the form of ableism leveled at a disabled person.
Ableism aimed at Tyrion is different from the one aimed at Elia is
different from the one aimed at Lollys is different from the one aimed
at Hodor, even though all have points of correlation and all share the implicit belief that the disabled person is worth less than others. That casual assumption of Tyrion’s immorality and evilness and violence even as a baby or before he’d done anything questionable that’s from people who aren’t as grossly ableist as the Lannisters, that’s a distinct pattern of disturbingly common reactions to Tyrion that is patterned to his specific disability. But I’m not really equipped to tackle this subject so I’ll leave to more informed people).
additionally, the fact that elia was besotted with baby tyrion and
thought him absolutely adorable, and that oberyn thought him a perfectly
normal (or at least not deformed “enough”) baby suggests the POD didn’t
display much ableism at all in raising them. maybe they just turned out
well in spite of her, but i’m not inclined to think that the case.
That’s a too narrow view of what ableism is, though. It restricts ableism to the purposely malicious and more extreme form, to instances where people call a disabled baby monstrous because of his disability or use it as an excuse to abuse him. But that is not the only form of ableism there is. Casual ableism is still ableism.
More importantly, it is not accurate to imply the Martells haven’t shown ableism and use it as a proof that the Princess didn’t display it in turn. Because Oberyn was repeatedly ableist. He might have thought Tyrion “a poor sort of monster”, but he said baby Tyrion had “an evil eye” (evil being a stereotype often used against Tyrion due to his dwarfism which automatically vilifies him in the eyes of everyone), regularly referred to him as the Imp, told him to his face that it was an outrage that he was put forward as an option for his sister and expected Tyrion to see where he was coming from. Oberyn displayed a lot of casual ableism with Tyrion, because ableism is inescapable in their society. I tend to think about the instance with the Princess of Dorne as a similar kind of casual ableism. I reiterate that I don’t think the Princess of Dorne was malicious or that she wanted to tear Tyrion down. But I do think that she thought him not good enough for her daughter because of his disability, in a similar way to Catelyn’s reaction to his marriage to Sansa (though that has other elements as well, of course. But thinking of Tyrion as “the
twisted little man” really can’t be taken as anything but ableism).
Point
is, one doesn’t need to be actively abusive or terrible to be ableist.
Some of the kindest souls in the series like Sansa and Bran still
display that prejudice, not out of maliciousness or a desire to hurt and
not out of a conscious belief of superiority to the disabled
person. Jon Snow actively lorded his physicality over Tyrion at
the beginning. It doesn’t mean they are bad people. But that doesn’t
make their behavior any less ableist, not when it’s built on, informed
by and expressed through a person’s disability.